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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.